You know those people who piss you off the most? They just drive you crazy! It might be your mother, best friend, significant other, clerk at the grocery store, or someone you just met. You have such judgment against them. They push your buttons, trigger you to react in unattractive ways, infuriate you! We all know someone who is annoying, triggering angering or frustrating.
During the group tapping sessions, I've been leading with Commit to 90 Challengers, we have been using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping about feelings towards the people who have hurt them, allowing the hurt, anger and disappointment to have a voice. This is a powerful healing step, in letting the pain go. These emotions buried deep hold space in your bodies and in subconscious mind just waiting to be triggered or acknowledged. The tapping helps release the power these emotions have over you, usually unconsciously. With tapping, you become less triggered or bothered by other people as you neutralize the underlying pain that prompts a reaction from you.
I have another healing exercise that uses the judgments you have against others to find self-awareness and freedom for yourself. We all see through our own lens or filter based on our experiences, choices, unresolved emotions, etc. It is so easy to see in others what we cannot see in ourselves. Yet everyone is a mirror reflecting back to us what is inside.
You know when you look at someone and see beauty. They are reflecting back your own beauty that you cannot see. The same is true when you see how angry someone is. You notice their anger because it’s a reflection of your own unacknowledged or unresolved anger.
I am going to share this exercise that I have done thousands of times and continue to do to help see parts of myself that need attention.
This process has helped me discover so many truths about myself - some that I needed to address with love, acceptance and lots of tapping. It's healed hurts I was not aware even existed. It has also allowed me to make choices from a place of love and acceptance for myself and for others. It has greatly improved many of my relationships. I hope it helps you, too!
I will also share a personal experience where my judgments toward my mother-in-law, Betty, actually helped me to see and heal a hurt so deep that I had no conscious awareness of it. It also helped our relationship to move in a more positive and loving direction. ***Spoiler alert I did this exercise MANY times in the first two years of Burt and I being together on his mother alone***
Here it is –
Look In the Mirror Exercise
- Ask yourself, “What is it about this person and what I see in them?” What is the judgment?
- Then ask, “Where could this be true for me?” - What’s the reflection? Often we see in others what we cannot see within our own experience. We see through our perceptions and view of the world, so what you judge in others is actually mirroring back something to you.
- Be open and willing to see what is being mirrored to you. Accept what you discover without criticism.
Ask these questions:
What can I learn from this?
Is there a hurt within me that needs healing?
Has this served me?
Does keeping it continue to serve me or keep me stuck?
Can I accept this with love or do I need to change something?
- Do something to help how you feel about this. Tapping is usually my first go to.
- Be thankful to you and the person you judged. This was a gift of awareness for you. You can choose compassion for you and for the other person. It also helps you to be in a state of allowance. You allow them to be who they are and you allow you to be who you are. No judgments. No criticism. You choose love and acceptance, the most powerful of all healing modalities.
Here is a real life example.
At my wedding to Burt, 170 people sat in our yard smiling and being happy for us. There was one face that was not smiling or happy, Betty (my new mother-in-law.) It made me so mad! I just could not understand why she could not be happy for us.
Instead of focusing on all the love and joy that surrounded us that day, I honed in on one person’s unhappiness. I couldn’t (wouldn’t) let it go.
So I “looked in the mirror” asking myself, if I was seeing sadness in Betty and triggered by it, then where could this be true for me? Where was I sad?
At first it wasn’t obvious. As I sat with this question, it became obvious to me. I was so surprised when I realized that I was sad because my birth mother had not been at any of my weddings. She had not been part of my life, and she was now dead.
I had NO IDEA the depth of my sadness at not having my mother in my life growing up or not having more time together when I was older.
So, I cried and I tapped that night for a long time. The grief poured out of me while I tapped and spoke about all that was buried deep inside of me. I cried for the little girl, the teenager and the woman all who missed her mother and had no idea just how much.
When I was done I felt a sense of peace I had not known. Burt wrote a song “Why Does It All Go Back To Your Mother?” during my tapping. This mind you during the one night we went away to celebrate our wedding. That man is a gem! By the way, Betty was happy for us. It was my own inner sadness that I saw, not Betty’s. She was the portal for my healing. I am very grateful for the experience.
So now you have two healthy ways to deal with your emotions and judgments – EFT aka Tapping and “Look In The Mirror” Exercise.