In the spring of 2009, a dragonfly landed on my hand while I was unlocking the front door. It just sat there, not moving, not bothered by my hand motion. Later that week, I was sitting on our back deck and another dragonfly landed on the open page of the book that I was reading. Again, it sat there still for quite some time. Then I had a third visit from this beautiful insect.
I was curious as to why the dragonfly was landing on me. It was obvious that it was trying to get my attention, but what did it want? I asked one of my spiritual teachers what it meant and she told me to look up totem animal dragonfly. This was completely new to me.
So I looked up and read many posts about totem and spirit animals, and in particular, the dragonfly. Totem animals arrive to bring us messages and teach us their wisdom to apply into our own lives.
Dragon fly was telling me: Be prepared for change. A new cycle is beginning in your life. Look for new perspectives. Go deep into your emotions. I read so much but at the time did not understand much of it. I was being called to transform and feel deeply to have compassion for myself and others. Take time to develop, spend time near water, reach beyond your boundaries. Look at your life. What changes do you need to make? What changes are happening?
I was intrigued but really didn't know what to make of it. Looking back, I see that I was beginning to tap into a spiritual space that would open up my own healing and point me on a path of becoming a healer.
When I look over the two year period that followed, there were many changes. Burt and I moved to the beach. Dragonfly continued to visit me often in our new yard. I started a year long clairvoyant class. I began to travel for personal and professional development. Our house felt like an inn with family and friends frequenting our home. We got married.
During this time I was building a relationship coaching practice while learning many healing modalities. It was meant to be a time of rest, renewal, and healing yet I did not know that nor did not know how to to that. I had been down for so long, I just wanted to go! Then I got Lyme Disease and co-infections again - 3rd time on top of Fibromyalgia.
Lessons continued to pop up. I pushed a lot and was down even more. I was forcing a business in way that was not right for me, but I did not know that. I had not yet learned to fully tune into spirit, surrender, let go and be guided.
Dragonfly began to visit me again two summers later. I had no idea what was in store for me. After my daughter's beautiful wedding, I twisted my ankle and after weeks of pain and not healing, had to wear a cast. That fall I began a 3 year Shamanic Training Program. I had been using psychic gifts in my coaching practice under quiet cover. This changed my whole focus from relationship coaching to spiritual healing. It also deepened my own spiritual connection and practice.
Here we are January 1, 2018 and this is the card I pulled from Earth Magic Oracle Cards by Steven D. Farmer.
Brace myself for yet another grow cycle of change, this time not so slowly. Rather than gradual shifts in awareness as in the past, it will happen rapidly and unexpectedly. Life is demanding that I move into my next stage of maturity and that I must adjust my thinking about myself, others and my community. Time to shed yet another layer of ego-filled defenses and surrender to the flow to allow myself to move gracefully into the next cycle of my life
Hmm. Several things run through my mind as to what this means for me. Yet, I am choosing to allow divine guidance to show me the way and trust that I will recognize what is being asked of me.
This past year, I let go of so much of what I thought I had wanted to create. I let go of attachments to anything except being present in my life, choose things that made me happy, live creatively, express creatively and allow my body to heal. I had not anticipated the significant flareup that I experienced early in the year of 2017, and it has taken most of this year to feel more stable. I made many changes to get to this place and I am so grateful that I finally did. I had been resisting taking care of me for a long time. I thought I had been doing that, but really I had just been driving myself from the space of "not enough" and "proving my worth."
That was the biggest shift - letting those old judgements go. Embracing my self worth and value. Loving myself enough to change my lifestyle to one I had wanted for such a very long time. My heart had known it all along. My ego had another version. My heart is winning now.
So I embrace the inevitable shifts coming my way with love, presence and surrender.
May this be a year of love, presence and surrender for you too.